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Memento Mori

by James Pequignot

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1.
My words are a knife I'll cut you in places you've never been kissed I'll kiss you in places you thought don't exist A mind is a terrible place to feel Alone with your jar of pills to be taken If life gets too hard To keep you from waking Yea "truth" is a word And words are just lies we've agreed upon Let's wait 'til the moonlight's a little less serious To put on our blue shoes and dance the reds babe The music will play I'll hold you in my arms and sway Correct me if I'm wrong And often I may be The words we sing aren't true By virtue of their poetry Lies don't become true 'cause they're pretty My thoughts are a cage that keep us divided A gap we can't bridge though futile we're trying When phantom limbs itch we'll empty the bottle in hopes to find A way to distract from wounds we left open And words we'd retract to heal hearts we've broken Yea "love" is a word we lost in translation when we were small Let's wait 'til the moonlight's a little less serious To put on our blue shoes and dance the reds babe The music will play I'll hold you in my arms and sway
2.
I told her "I think you're sick." She used a four letter word for her feelings She keeps repeating And when she was crying out I just kept thinking "Focus." "Make it important." "Shut up and enjoy it." I never felt like I was a soul in a body Until she wrapped around me weightless And breathlessly I was delivered from my demons This is what it's like to be reborn I wrestled the restless mess I tried not to think of Eden I couldn't believe in a place where lovers touch Until I got there I was waiting holes into my heart She was going apeshit While I prayed for a song to calm angry voices She bit the hand that feeds 'til it fell off I could never hold you close enough to make the screaming stop When it was said and done We were a cartoon without a caption Drank to distraction Confused pique with passion I could never be what she told me I wasn't As if her words were somehow binding We both gave up on finding ways to take the torture And passed the time until the shine wore off
3.
I'm like everyone else All I really want is what I'm told I cannot or should not have So the darker and more messed up it is The more I'm convinced it's what will fill my empty soul If you can see what's in my heart Keep that shit to yourself I've worked too damn hard to make sure No one knows what I'm ever really thinking Now I'm not sure I even know myself I'm a walking cliche All I really want's an endless cycle of objects I can crave Having brings me no joy Just the air moving 'round in the vacuum of the void I call my soul If you can see what I really want Keep that shit to yourself I've worked too damn hard to make sure People think I'm some harmless fucking nice guy I'd hate for them to see what fools they've been As I fall into the black hole of my broken heart I'll take you all down with me when I go I'm like everyone else All I really want is someone else to tell me it will be alright Someone who knows my heart But every time I get close I convince myself that they're not good enough If you can see what's on my mind Keep that shit to yourself I've worked too damn hard to make sure People think I'm some inoffensive nice guy I'd hate for them to see the truth of it I'm like everyone else I'm like everyone else
4.
Is this loss? Than burns cathedrals down Gestates quickly now And gives birth to dust Is this loss? that sighs its quiet breath To die a million deaths All at once Oh... You think you're ready now? No Time is the wrinkle in your plans You're pretty sure you'll be the one who can escape it And so you waste it like your time will never come 'Til it's too late Take up your cross Is this loss? Is this loss? That turns you into stone Abdicates the throne And turns boom to bust Oh... You think you're ready now? No Time is the wrinkle in your plans You're pretty sure you'll be the one who can escape it And so you waste it like your time will never come 'Til it's too late Take up your cross Is this loss? Will you hold me like I was a little child Tell me we don't have to think on this right now We'll be distracted by a million tiny nothings we can't name But it doesn't change It doesn't change Is this loss? That wakes you up at night To watch your holy light Burned out at once Oh... You think you're ready now?
5.
The Dancer 05:31
If I got to choose my form in the next life I'd be a dancer all fluid and made out of fire I'd move like a tiger in a hadron collider Kaleidoscope spider I'd fly without leaving the ground And if you watched me dance you'd love me Telling stories words can't say You'd be overcome with feelings They'd confuse you into rage If you got to be the person you wanted Unburdened, unhaunted, you'd cut through the air like a song Does anyone choose, or are our ends fated? Our sweetest verse jaded Our moment of truth lost to time And if you watched me live you'd envy Each true smile that crossed my face You'd reflect on all your failings And wish that you could live this way You'd convince yourself I'm faking But I promise you it's twice as good as it seems If you get to see your heart's true wish granted There's no second chances Swing wild Strike true Believe Swing wild Strike true Believe
6.
In the movies When they get the death face right There should be some kind of warning In case you've seen that face before I never knew the death of Tony Stark would hit me hard In the springtime Before we knew it was too late I wish I'd punched you in the mouth To finally prove that I'm a man As you laid there in the hospital I considered it more than once But I knew it wouldn't count There's this feeling When I see something you'd like And I start to call you up In that moment you're alive It's like you tapped me on the shoulder And we had a good laugh I thought I was done with this grief But it isn't done with me I hide From my mind It always finds me It always finds me in the sober light of day There are some things That can't be properly expressed When you see you can't unsee And once you do you're not the same
7.
A smile in every heart A hope in every home We all want the same things We all want the same things None of it's your fault There's too much to be done Don't sacrifice your mind to the madness of it all No one asked to be born in a world that's this messed up So open up your hands And lift each other A place to rest your head A task to pass the time We all want the same things We all want the same things None of it's your fault There's too much to be done Don't sacrifice your mind to the madness of it all No one asked to be born in a world that's this messed up So open up your hands And lift each other It's hard to remember in times like these Love is a revolutionary act Dead men drew the lines And we can just erase them in our minds Justice for the wronged Protection for the weak We all want the same things We all want the same things None of it's your fault There's too much to be done Don't sacrifice your mind to the madness of it all No one asked to be born in a world that's this messed up So open up your hands And lift each other So open up your hands And lift each other So open up your hands And lift each other up Lift each other up Lift each other up Lift each other up
8.
Moving out of this house is hard Like burying the dead Like you woke up in Japan Speaking perfect French And the life you thought you'd lived Was just a dream Pulling up to the drive was odd And time was no one's friend When we watched you disappear Expecting worlds to end But the drive trough line was long And the kid wants to go home They don't care that there might be no tomorrow And when the funeral is over we'll all go home And scroll to try to fill the holes in our phones Like maybe there's an answer at the bottom Some all enduring truth that we'd forgotten Or a reason to get out of bed tomorrow And pretend existing's worth the pain and sorrow When it's more like you were never here at all Moving out of that house is hard Like burying the dead

about

I started writing and recording Memento Mori in 2017. I was going through a tumultuous time that would eventually include the death of my father in 2018. I worked on the album on and off between working on Terrycloth Mother material, and generally trying to keep my cool during a global pandemic. In February of 2022, energized by an intense three day study of Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, I realized how close the album was to completion and hunkered down to finish it. Once completed I turned to my good friend Steven Brown of Sainteven Photos to create accompanying visual imagery.

Thank you for listening. A lot of effort was put into the making of this album. I sincerely hope you enjoy it.

I prefer sad songs because sometimes the world makes us feel like we’re not supposed to be sad, and that there is something wrong with us when we do.

Just like sometimes a happy song can give us permission to be happy, a sad song can give us permission to be sad. It lets us know we are not alone. It allows us to exercise those feelings. It allows us to experience catharsis.

And on confronting our pain I believe we are better able to release it and move on.

credits

released June 10, 2022

All songs were written, recorded, performed, produced, edited, mixed, and mastered by James Pequignot.
The artwork was created by Sainteven Photos with arm and additional production by Katie Martin.
The cover artwork was conceptualized by Sainteven Photos, James Pequignot, and Bridget Gibbons.

Special thanks to Steven Brown of Sainteven Photos:
I am grateful for his friendship and his artistry.

Special thanks to Katie Marin:
I am grateful for her friendship and her assistance with this photo session.

Special thanks to my wife Bridget Gibbons:
I am grateful for her partnership in all things. She has read all of the books so I don’t have to. She knows what reference I am making even when I don’t, and knows what direction to point me in to find something deeper.

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James Pequignot Cleveland, Ohio

James Pequignot is a singer/songwriter from Cleveland Ohio who draws inspiration from acts like Aimee Mann, Wilco, and BC Camplight. He also performs with an indie-rock band called Terrycloth Mother, and loves Pizza.

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